fuerst steps into motherhood

Bed time sweetness

2011-11-20T21:23:00.001-06:00

Some of my favorite moments each day happen at bed time... I don't think much can top the feeling of Tommy's little arms wrapped around my neck as I sing him "Jesus, Jesus, Jesus there's just something about that name." Many times his husky little voice sings the name of "Jesus" right along with me. Often he interrupts the song by giving me a kiss right on the mouth. As I lay him down in his crib, he smiles up at me while I pray over him -- his eyes watching me intently until I am done. Then, he just rolls over - trusting the world is right.Some of Phoebe's most theological questions happen at bed time. "Mommy, does Jesus love Bubby? Mommy? Daddy? Me?" "Mommy, does Jesus like candy?" "Mommy, is Jesus done painting the baby in your belly?" I love watching her slowly getting to know her savior. I also love to pray with her. You never quite know who she will want to pray for ... and it is amazing when she does ask to pray for a friend or relative she hasn't brought up in a while - how timely the prayers are. I think the spirit whispers in Phoebe's ear. How humbling and magnificent all at the same time.

Photo Card

2011-11-19T16:37:00.001-06:00

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The most spiritual thing I do each day might be...

2011-10-11T07:07:00.000-05:00

I have been realizing more and more lately that I am a control freak. I want my house to be immaculate because I like to control my surroundings. I want to make sure I have all my "to dos" checked off because it shows I controlled my actions. I want an orderly scheduled week to control how I spend my time. Is my house immaculate. NO. Is my to do list done. NO. Does my life ever stick to a schedule. NO. But oh how I work to make it so...Which brings me to the most spiritual thing I do each day might be ... REST! God is showing me little bit by little bit that to rest is to allow Him control. When I rest, I have to stop trying, working, doing, striving, plotting, prodding, pushing, grasping for control. Rest requires trusting that God knows what He is about. He does have my best interest at heart and it just might not be an immaculate house.

Knowing what I am about ...

2011-10-04T07:05:00.002-05:00

Though I have always wanted to stay at home when my children were small, becoming a stay-at-home mom was a harder adjustment than I had bargained for. I went from having a job with and an outlined description, set goals, and a yearly review to a job with little definition besides "feed the kids, dress the kids, make sure the kids sleep."To function well, I need goals. I need parameters. I need a way to evaluate myself. One night over a much needed break at Starbucks, God prodded me - "Write your own job description." My first reaction was, "Oh God - that is just silly." Still the prodding - "No really write your own job description."So with His guidance, I did. May I say that He knew it would help set me free of my own unrealistic expectations of myself and the guilt that would come at the end of the day when I couldn't see concrete results besides the kids were still breathing. As a parent, many days hold few concrete results - a report turned in on time, a sales goal met. We shape little lives, that one day will live on without us. We sow seeds now that won't bear fruit until weeks, years, or decades later. But when we fall on the couch exhausted at night with the house a wreckage around us - it is so hard to remember that "Today I did my job well."So if you are interested here is my job description:Growing as a disciple and lover of Jesus. Loving and spurring my husband in Christ. Raising my kids to love God, love themselves, love each other, and love the world. Providing a refuge for my family in the craziness of ministry. Being healthy physically and emotionally. Inviting others to share life in Christ by creating community.

Two thoughts together?

2011-09-30T07:39:00.001-05:00

As a mom of young children there are days where I can't seem to put two logical thoughts together let alone write a cohesive paragraph. When I blog, I want to have something profound or witty to say. Needless to say -- I haven't blogged recently.This pressure I put on myself is part and parcel of my habit of demanding myself to perform well -- always. But you know there are days this lady doesn't even get into the shower until 3 p.m. or later. Praise be to God who loves us not for what we do but for who we are. He rejoices most in us not when we turn in a perfect performance but when we delight in Him and just reach out for His embrace.I don't really care that Phoebe says roon instead of room or that she runs into wall after wall because she fails to look ahead. What I do care about is that she feels loved, secure, and wants to give her mommy hugs.

Heard around the Fuerst house

2011-09-04T16:42:00.001-05:00

Chatter fills our house because of our Phoebe. She commentates on all she sees and does. It is a delight most of the time. I also think it is teaching Tommy a lot too.Some Phoebeisms ..."I love you all time.""That's my game...." In reference to doing something incredibly silly."You nasty butt." From what I can this is a term of endearment to her brother."Oh you are so silly!""Come ON!" Said as a source of frustration to anything whether object or person."Nasty McNasty" In reference to poopy diapers or sometimes her brother.All baby dolls are Cassie."What's that kid doing?" Her constant question."Kid" Every one is a kid no matter if they are 1 or 100."Less you" instead of bless you.Words Tommy says ...DaddyJetShoeRight Back (we say that a lot round here)CherrioSit down (because he is constantly standing on things)CupUh oh

The gift of housework?

2011-06-13T16:19:00.002-05:00

I just finished reading "The Quotidian Mysteries" by Kathleen Norris, thanks to the recommendation of a wise friend. Norris spoke many words I needed to hear.

She writes, "Like liturgy, the work of cleaning draws much of its meaning and value from repetition, from the fact that it is never completed, but set aside until the next day. Both liturgy and what is euphemistically termed domestic work also have an intense relation with the present moment, a kind of faith in the present that fosters hope and makes life seem possible in the day-to-day."

I rarely find hope in the never-ending cycles of laundry, dishes, and picking up after my children, do you? But Norris reminds me over and over in her little book that such acts should remind me that it is NOW that God is present. Just like laundry is never ending, so is the grace of my savior. He is as present as the detergent. He invites me to think on Him in such moments, and not zone out or begrudge the action.

Just as I must prepare meals everyday, so must I also find nourishment in the Triune God daily. The Father created our work. The Son experienced the daily grind. The Spirit wants to give us life through such actions - no matter how domestic.

Bubby's first goose egg

2011-05-27T21:09:00.003-05:00

My son is fearless. No obstacle is too big to climb over. No crevice is too small to crawl into. No object too wobbly to pull up on. (and yes I did just end those sentences with prepositions on purpose Dahms)

With his recent crawling successes, I think the littlest Fuerst has gotten a smidgen too big for his diaper. But today he was brought low by a ball.

He regularly chases around one rainbow colored ball. He crawls up to it, plants himself, then as he reaches for his circular nemesis with his chubby little hands, he sends the ball off again. Without a word of complaint he takes off anew in his continual hot pursuit.

Today, the ball must of been tired because Bubby actually caught it. But not only did he want to catch it, Tommy wanted to conquer it. In heartbeats, he locked his arms and pulled himself up to a standing position waving precariously above the ball. For a split second a look of triumph crossed his face, then the ball had its day as it rolled out from under him leaving Tommy with a face full of floor and a rather large goose egg.

I'm sure in the days ahead there will be many more goose eggs, scraped knees, and eventually even a broken bone or two as my son gains more control over hims limbs. If it weren't for the tears that needed dried today, I might have laughed at his circus antics.

Color's with Phoebe

2011-05-27T21:01:00.002-05:00

Tonight while sitting in the living room Phoebe walks up to Jet and says, "Jet you are Black!" with a huge grin on her face.

Tom then says, "Color makes no difference here Phoebe."

With a smile now on my face I ask Phoebe, "What color are you?"

With an even bigger grin, "PINK!"

I then ask, "What color is Bubby?"

"Bubby's yellow." She begins to giggle.

"What color is Mommy?"

Laugh. "Green!" Laugh.

At this point I wonder what color her dad is in her 2-year-old eyes. "Phoebe what color is Daddy?"

"Daddy is white."

At the Fuerst residence there lives a fluff of cotton candy, a big cheese ball, a green alien and The Man --- plus one black lab.

Easter conversation with Phoebe

2011-04-24T14:15:00.003-05:00

Easter morning after we finished praying over pancakes Phoebe asks, "Daddy are you God?"

Tom's response, "No sweetie, Jesus is God. And you know what He is alive!"

Phoebe grins and then says "Oh yeah!" and begins to eat.

What a sweet moment. My daughter is already beginning to think about God. Jesus thank you for daughters, pancakes, and most of all rising from the grave and defeating death!

Eating as a social event ...

2011-03-27T14:21:00.003-05:00

As a mom, I spend a lot of time preparing food. Most days the kids and I have 3 square meals together around the table. Tom usually gets to join us for at least one.

Phoebe refuses to eat alone. She has to have somebody sitting with her. She will settle for her brother in a high chair, but she usually insists on having me right next to her. If I am still in the kitchen or trying to get a load of laundry in the dryer, she'll persistently tell me to, "Sit down Mommy! Mommy eat!"

I've been ruminating on her dislike to eat alone --- or anyone's dislike to eat alone for that matter. Since infancy, meals are a social event. As a baby nurses, he is pressed up against his mother looking her in the eyes. Or if an infant takes a bottle she is still in the arms of a trusted adult interacting and making connections. Once a baby graduates to table food, he still needs someone else to help him eat: to be near.

To eat is to commune with others. Maybe this is why important holidays include a feast of some sort. Maybe this is why we ask new friends to join us for a meal. Maybe this is why God invites us to the Table to partake of the gift of His Son.

I love that when we share eternity with the Father, Son, and Spirit it will be at a huge banquet table with good food, good friends, and good conversation. We will never have to eat alone. Phoebe will LOVE that.

Spiritual Disciplines as a busy mom ...

2011-03-06T14:59:00.002-06:00

As a kid, I remember time creeping by. The minute hand took years to get to it's destination for recess. Christmas was a decade away in November. My birthday seemed to happen once a century.

Now I wake up, change a few diapers, fix a little food, maybe get a load of laundry done, and poof it's bed time. The hours race by me leaving me feeling dizzy and a bit disoriented. I often ask, "Where did that day go?"

So in a day that lasts a minute, when do I find time to practice the spiritual disciplines: prayer, study, solitude, etc.?

My experiment of the last couple of months looks something like this ... I've let the lines of the spiritual and the everyday blur. For example, at the breakfast table Phoebe and I read the lectionary passages intermittently with her children's Bible story book. She loves to pray for her family and friends by name. While I throw a load of laundry in the dryer I try to contemplate the scripture we read in the morning. During nap time I sit for at least ten minutes in just the quiet. When we go on walks I try to remember to celebrate God's creation. If I wrong one of my children, I confess it to them even if they don't understand.

I'm realizing God fully knows the demands of motherhood. He doesn't expect us to grow in spite of our circumstances, but uniquely through them.

Friend how do you incorporate faith in the everyday?

Things we are learning

2011-02-20T17:31:00.003-06:00

Each week is full of new discoveries for each of the Fuerstians.

Phoebe has learned to ...
click her tongue
say thank you on a consistent basis without prompts
count to two
talk our friend Janet into almost anything :)
be a hostess (she gets capri suns out of the fridge for friends who come over)
"swim" in the bathtub
hugs from friends are a good thing not a threat

Tommy has learned to ...
sit up by himself with no support
eat cereal
roll over with the aim of getting something or going somewhere
bite fingers (he's got two teeth now)
sleep in his crib for 7 hours at a time at night
pull his socks off and suck on them
yell just for the pure pleasure of making noise

I've learned ...
to let dirty dishes sit in the sink overnight so I have time to talk to my husband
people feel more at home in my house when it is a bit chaotic like theirs
God wants to give me good things not just expects good things from me
Living in Florida in February is quite nice
freshly made Krispy Kreme doughnuts are a taste of the heavenly feast
having moments just to be myself with friends makes me appreciate being a mom and wife more

Dear friend I hope you have been learning too.

Learning to call a friend

2011-02-13T14:58:00.005-06:00

Just for the record, the phone intimidates me. In person, I can seem to put words together in an effective way to communicate what is going on in my head. Put me on a phone and I become all consonants. Until recently I had to write myself a script to order pizza.

But there are times when face to face meetings with friends are impossible, but yet I feel lonely. I just need another adult voice in the midst of toddler talk. The phone stares at me. When I pick it up to dial a number I begin to think things like ...

- I bet my friend isn't home
- or maybe she is busy
- should I really bother her?
- what if her husband is home and they are having family time?
- or she might finally be having a peaceful moment should I interrupt that?

Many times I regretfully put the phone back on the counter thinking to myself that I'll call another time.

You know what I've realized lately: the worse that can happen is my friend can ask if we can talk later. What a revelation huh? But a freeing one.

As I have begun picking up the phone and actually dialing I've found friends who need to talk, too.

God created us to live in community. He, himself, is a community: Father, Son, and Spirit.

Go ahead and call someone.

Season's of a woman's life

2011-02-06T15:15:00.002-06:00

"Women's lives happen in seasons." This phrase from a wise leader at Asbury Seminary rings in my head quite often. The more I ponder it, the more it rings true for me.

Currently I am in the season of young motherhood, which includes rainstorms of tantrum tears, mudslides of dirty laundry, refreshing breezes of children's laughter, and long droughts of tiredness.

At times I think this one will be my favorite, other times I wish for the sunny days of seasons past or to come. I wish for the freedom and spontaneousness of the newly married season. I long for the individuality of the working season. I crave the wisdom of future seasons.

As I have oft been reminded lately -- to live as God intends, I need to live fully in the now. The season I am in now has beauties that won't be repeated. In this season God is planting seeds that will only bear fruit in years to come.

Dear friend as you read this I encourage you to abandon yourself to your present season whatever it may be.

Maybe not perfect days but perfect moments ...

2011-01-18T14:25:00.002-06:00

The past few days have been a little rough. The whole family has been sick; the house is a disaster; the bills are piling up; I feel like I've been run over by a truck. I know I am not the only one who has had days or weeks like this.

I have the tendency to put pressure on myself to create a "perfect day" especially during a holiday or when Tom has a day off. No perfect days exist, but perfect moments do.

Last night I experienced one. It had been a hard day, but bedtime was approaching. All four Fuersts were on our bed just being together. We had our quilt tossed over us as a tent. We giggled. We laughed. Phoebe gave everyone kisses. Tommy squealed in excitement. It was 30 minutes of perfection.

Thank you God for perfect moments in the midst of hard days.

Phoebe and Tommy are getting so big ...

2011-01-06T14:07:00.002-06:00

Phoebe can now do so many things including ...
Jumping up and down.
Sing twinkle twinkle little star (thanks to grandma)
Open doors.
Put her shoes on.
Eat very successfully with a fork and spoon.
Carry her own bag of stuff into church.
Open skype when my computer is up.
Climb into her car seat.
Climb up and go down slides on her own.
Throw Jet his ball then chase after it herself.
Say please and thank you when she is in the mood.
Set the table (sort of).
Help put laundry in the dryer.
Talk you almost into anything (I think she gets this from her dad.)

Tommy is learning new things too. He can...
Grab things he is aiming for.
Sit supported by a pillow or couch.
Roll over.
Pull himself up with a little help.
Put EVERYTHING in his mouth.
Goo and Gaa.
Laugh the most adorable little laugh.
Follow his sister everywhere with his eyes.
Charm the ladies.

My kids are growing and learning and they are teaching mommy things too.
I am learning that...
a messy house sometimes means happier kids.
stolen moments for yourself are necessary.
running in the yard is a lot of fun.
you can pray for the same person 12 times a day.
peaches and toast make a good lunch.
kisses do cure a lot of ailments.
patience develops through hard moments.
love ever expands.

It will be fun to see how we all grow over the next months.

Phoebe in Big Church ...

2010-12-13T16:37:00.002-06:00

So from time to time I take Phoebe into big church for worship. She loves the music and I love to see her dance. Yesterday was an adventure. The crazy woman that I am I take both kids in with me. No car seat for Tommy - just holding him in my arms. First two songs go great. Phoebe is dancing and smiling. I am enjoying just watching her cut the rug in God's house. Then Tom gets up to do announcemnts. Phoebe yells, "Daddy!" and before I know it she is running down the aisle. I am thinking to myself, "When did she get so fast?" So I take off after her with Tommy in tow. I hear gasps from suprised people as we run past. I hear footsteps behind me and my friend Janet scoops up Tommy so I can try to catch my daugher. I finally catch her three rows from the front. She is not happy at being thwarted. She begins yelling, "I want daddy!" At this point people are trying to stifle their giggles at our crazy perdicament.
We get back to our seats after much protesting from Phoebe. The next song starts and she is once again content with dancing in the seat next to me. I turn to look at the screen then look back to see her on the floor crying. She took a dive in just a few seconds and the good smarartins behind us are trying to help her off the floor. I decided it's time to go. We'll try it again some other time - maybe when Tom doesn't do announcements :)

Parenting not for the faint of heart ...

2010-12-09T15:14:00.002-06:00

Any pride a person might have ... once they become a parent it gets smashed to bits. Just when I feel like I have got this mom stuff down -- one of my children throws a curve ball. Currently it is a toddler refusing to sleep. Last week it was a baby throwing up from his vitamins. Next week who knows ...

Parenting is like a rock tumbler. As a new mom or dad you still have a lot of edges. Then comes the child - helping knock off those edges of impatience, self-centeredness, self-indulgences little bit by little bit. And man does it try one's soul at times. I hope I am more shiny today than I was last year - imagine what kind of gleam I will have gained 18 years down the road. I hope my children will be able to see Christ in the shine they are helping create.

For those fellow moms and dads on this journey of parenthood - hang in there. Keep thinking of the polish God is creating through the tough times.

Living out the Incarnation ...

2010-11-30T14:10:00.002-06:00

Advent is here. I really don't believe it. My personal calendar is off kilter from so many life changes in such a short amount of time.

We just got back from a three-week long trek to Missouri (up to Iowa) and back to Florida. My daughter is no longer such an easy travler. She loves her routine, her familiar surroundings, the safety of the known. Who doesn't? Most of us just don't scream about it has often as she did while we were away.

What made her more comfortable than anything else during our travels was someone getting down on the floor to play with her. When grandma rocked baby dolls; when grandpa built towers of blocks; when Miss Judy pulled up to the coffee table for a tea party; when great-grandma laughed with her at Curious George -- only then did my drama prone daughter transform into a grinning girl. Her nerves eased when the adults around her became like children.

Oh what a shadowy picture of what Jesus did for us. He got down on our earthly level so we might know Him - for our nerves to be eased - for us to delight in Him. Advent is anticipating His glorious incarnation. After this season of waiting may we be Christmas people who live out His coming.

Favorite recent Phoebe moments...

2010-11-04T20:52:00.002-05:00

It has been a long time since I posted. Mothering two is a full-time and a half job :) I wanted to record some of my favorite Phoebe moments as of late ...
- Yesterday I heard her singing "Jesus, Jesus, Jesus..." How sweet to hear the name of the savior on your daughters lips.
- She kisses her brother all the time. She loves him so much. She just has to be reminded to be gentle!
- Whenever she leaves the room. She sticks up her little pointer finger and says so sweetly, "I'll be right back."
- She asks why to everything. I think she just wants to prolong the conversation!
- I love when she hasn't seen me for even five minutes, she runs up and hugs me at my knees.
- Watching her make friends. How she'll hold their hands and chat them up.
- How she intently builds a tower just to knock it down with glee once she is done.
- Whenever there is music she just has to dance! Which now includes spinning in circles till she falls down.
- When we drive up to our house she throws up her hands and shouts home. She also shouts church when we drive into the parking lot.
- How she holds your hand when you pray and says amen at the end.

I love my little girl and am thankful for her everyday. Amen.

Sibling Rivalry

2010-08-02T20:43:00.001-05:00

A few days ago after Phoebe woke up from her nap, we just sat cuddling in the rocking chair until she was fully awake. She wakes up very slowly like her daddy.

As we were rocking Tommy, inside the womb, kicks rather hard. Phoebe's head was on my stomach and she popped her head up and just looked at my stomach for a minute in bewilderment. Then with a determined look on her face, she punches my stomach back and lays her head back with a sigh of contentment.

It has already begun and we still have 5 weeks until Tommy's due date! :)

My shoe queen

2010-07-17T20:58:00.003-05:00

My daughter loves her shoes.

This morning at 7 a.m. Tom goes and gets a crying Phoebe from her bed and sticks her in between us. At 7:30 she starts wiggling wanting out of bed. Down she goes and off into her room. I hear her rustling around and about 5 minutes later she appears with a pair of shoes. She shouts, "Shoes! Shoes!" insisting she put them on that very moment.

She chooses her own shoes each day. She doesn't care if they match. She seems to have a different favorite each day. She loves shoe stores and goes crazy picking shoes up and trying to put them on her feet.

Phoebe loves other people's shoes. Last week at church she tried to steal a lady's beautiful pair of black patten heels. At least she has really good taste.

I have a feeling that one day, my daughter will have a whole closet full of shoes. I hope she chooses a profession that will support her habit :)

Somewhere in the middle

2010-06-29T20:32:00.002-05:00

Life for the Fuersts is somewhere in the middle. We are not yet Floridians, but no longer Kentuckians. We are in Missouri for the next week or so ... but living out of suitcases. Tom commented today that he truly feels nomadic. I think so do I ...
Phoebe is doing the best with our middleness. She is at home as long as her daddy and mommy are around. It also helps to have her same trusty night time blanket.
I think I could learn from her. As long as my heavenly father is near, I can be home wherever I lay my head for the night. He is taking care of me no matter my state residence.
I should also look into a trusty blanket of some sort; it really does seem to help :)

My husband of seven years ...

2010-05-24T21:13:00.003-05:00

Today I have been married to my best friend for seven years. As I look back over our marriage thus far, I am immersed in thankfulness. God knew what He was doing when He brought Tom Fuerst into my life.

You are my complement.

You are the adventure to charted course. You are the passion to my quiet spirit. You are the confidence to my reservedness. You are the dreamer to my down-to-earthiness. You push the limits when I want to hold the line. You welcome the stranger when I want to stay safe. You yell out loud when I only want to whisper. You chase after God with every fiber of your being, and you daily invite me to do the same.

You make each minute, each day, each year better than the last. I can't wait for 70 more years of life with you.

By the way. This counts as my card. :)

Dancing

2010-05-06T18:46:00.003-05:00

Phoebe loves to dance. She'll dance to organ music, she'll dance to nursery rhymes, she'll dance to rock n' roll.

She dances without abandon. It doesn't matter if we are in the grocery store or in church. If music comes on that she needs to groove to, she grooves.

Last weekend, we went hear Too Many Drummers play, and Phoebe was in her element. When the drums started, she stuck her little rear out and started bouncing to the beat. She was so taken with the music, she wanted to inclued EVERYONE in her rhythmic movements. My daughter walked over to a table of college guys and grabbed one of their fingers and started dancing. I think the poor guy was taken back by my forward toddler. I laughed with pure delight.

I love that my daughter knows what she likes and feels no shame in delighting in dancing. I hope she remains that way!

Waiting

2010-04-28T19:17:00.002-05:00

It seems life if full of waiting.

Each day we wait for something ... whether it's the microwave to beep or a house to sell.

I've not been a good waiter lately.

I'm getting anxious. I want to know something, anything about our future. What state we'll be in is a good start. I want assurance that all will be well. I want to know I'll have time to settle into a new home before our son arrives. I want to quit my job so I can have a few months with just Phoebe and me. I want... I want... I want...

It's these times of uncertainty that God invites me to rest. Rest my racing mind. Rest my load of wants at His feet. Rest in that He knows well.

But who knew resting could be so hard?

Praying with Phoebe

2010-04-17T19:23:00.002-05:00

So Phoebe is one year old now and becoming her own person. She loves to chatter, but doesn't say very many clear words yet. One of her first is yeah. You ask her a question and her answer most of the time is yeah. She is so agreeable :)

Each night before bed. we read books, sing songs, and lastly pray. We usually thank God for things that happened through the day. We pray for our family, our friends, her new little brother on the way. After each statement, my precious daugher affirms the prayer with her sweet "yeah!" It's almost like she is amening me. I love it. Our prayer time is becoming my favorite time of the day. Her participating in prayer reminds me to come to my heavenly Father like a little child - simply affirming the Good He has created all around.

Time flies

2009-12-23T21:01:00.002-06:00

My daughter is nine months old. She cruises around furniture. Takes a few steps on her own. Imitates the sounds coming from your mouth. Wants to drink out of a big person cup. Eats pieces of table food. Definitely has her own opinion on how things should be. Can tease me. Tells stories. Laughs a deep belly laugh. Dances in church during the songs. Kisses you on the lips. Hugs your legs.

How did she grow so fast?

We are about to celebrate our first Christmas together and I am boggled how much my life has changed since last Christmas. This year I can see my toes. This year my heart and family have grown.

I wonder if Mary wondered at how fast Jesus grew? One day he is toddling around her home the next He was saving the world!

Circle of support...

2009-10-19T20:53:00.003-05:00

Each Sunday night we hang out with our good friends Eric and Erin (who we live with) and Josh and Rachel. I don't know when exactly it started, but I am sure glad it did. Some nights involve deep talk of theology other nights include break dancing.
Last night, Phoebe was stealing the show with her cheesy grin and attempts at walking. Someone suggested she should take a lap around the room. So she did, from dear friend to dear friend. She'd walk a while grasping onto Eric's fingers for balance then pass off to Josh's fingers so on and so forth until she walked all the way around our living room. Something powerful hit me as I watched my daughter loving go to and from my dear friends... a realization that Tom and I are not in this alone. We have friends who love us and love our daughter. That Phoebe's life will be richer because of my friends. That we all lead richer lives because of the community we have formed.

Crying ourselves into rest

2009-10-17T14:24:00.002-05:00

Phoebe fights sleep now. It always wins, eventually, but yet she fights. The other day, she really needed a nap. Her eyes were so heavily, and she was miserable. But she refused to give in and just rest. She had to keep moving - going, going, going. Finally, I just held her tight and rocked her. This made her furious. She screamed, and kicked, and cried, and bucked. My heart was breaking, but I did not let go; I held her tight. I knew she needed rest.

The longer we rocked, the less of a fight she put up. Eventually her cries were just whimpers and she put her little hand on my face and fell asleep.

As I sat crying with her, I thought how she reminded me of myself and God. He calls me to rest, but most of the time I just keep going, going, going. He wants to hold me tight and securely, but I kick and cry and try to be free. When I do let Him, I do feel so much better.

A long time since my last post...

2009-10-17T14:16:00.002-05:00

I know it's been a long time since my last post. I just forget that I have a blog :) Phoebe is 7-months old today. Isn't that crazy?! It goes by so fast.

Some favorite things so far about being Phoebe's mom (in no particular order):

1. The smell of her right after a bath
2. Having her fall asleep in my arms with her little hand on my chest.
3. How she'll kick her feet wildly and smile at me when I come home from work.
4. Her incessant chatter. The girl really loves to talk and it makes me smile.
5. Watching her fall asleep in her crib. She'll keep her legs up in air to try to keep herself awake. When her feet touches the mattress her eyes open, and up they go again.
6. How sometimes she just wants her mama, and no one else will do.
7. Watching her little personality blossom - she is a social little butterfly.
8. Playing with her on the floor, and watching her figure out how her little body works.
9. Being reminded that sneezing is hilarious.
10. Experiencing little things like bananas again for the first time with her.
11. Watching Tom melt over his daughter.
12. Taking naps together in the recliner.
13. Tickling her to make her giggle.
14. Oh the list could keep going. I'm so blessed!

What a relief!

2009-05-21T13:02:00.001-05:00

We found out on Tuesday that Phoebe is OK! No surgery - no more probing! What a relief. Thank you everyone for your prayers.

We are now in Missouri hanging out with grandparents. I think she is loving it - she complains anytime she is put down because she knows that there are plenty of arms to hang out in. What a ham!

Really feeling like a mom ...

2009-05-14T20:28:00.000-05:00

So Phoebe is growing and is a healthy baby except ... she refuses to poop on her own. We have had to go to the doctor several times for this issue. Today, we went to the Cincinnati Children's Hospital to see a GI specialist. When we first got into the examination room, Phoebe was happy as a lark. Talking and wiggling - poor girl had no idea what was coming. After the physical examination she was none too happy. The doctor wanted then to do a biopsy of her intestines. This involved a long tube and scaple. As I was trying to comfort her as she was screaming it brought to mind all the times my mom sat and held my hand when I was hurt -- whether it was a scraped knee or child birth. At that moment I realized I've made it -- I'm a mom. And whether Phoebe has a splinter or surgery -- I'll be there holding her hand no matter how much it hurts.

Busy ,full days

2009-04-23T12:56:00.000-05:00

I love being a mom! Phoebe is doing great. She is growing like a weed. She's already 11 pounds and 23 and a half inches long! She even sleeps around 6 hours a time at night! I think I could just stare at her for hours. She is already responding to us - she smiles, is beginning to coo, and will kick and throw her arms about when you talk to her. My favorite is to watch her as she looks at herself in the mirror. We have this mirror that attaches to the side of the crib. She just talks to herself and gives herself huge smiles. I wonder if she will be disappointed when she finds out it is just her reflection and not a new friend :)

Phoebe is here!

2009-03-26T19:11:00.000-05:00

Phoebe arrived at 1:21 a.m. on March 17 after 21 hours of labor! She was 9 pounds and 6 ounces. We have been home for a week now. She is doing great and I am recovering, too. I was a crazy loon and did the whole labor thing with out an epidural. I don't know if I'll be that crazy next time or not. Tom is voting for not.

She already seems to have her own personality. She loves to be touched. She eats up kisses and turns her mouth to catch them. She loves her back to be rubbed. She definitely is a cuddler!

Only a few things thus far bring on her tears - having her diaper changed, hunger, and right now that's about it. She is super easy going. Her daddy's constant shananigins with her doesn't bother her a bit.

At moments it is hard to believe she is here!

What a long baby!

2009-03-12T15:53:00.000-05:00

We went to the doctor today. Phoebe, in the womb, is 8 pounds 5 ounces. She is also really long! Her legs are as "3 weeks" longer than the rest of her! The doctor said she is by no means fat - just really long! We might have a basketball player on our hands! If she doesn't make an appearance before Wednesday, the doctor has set to induce labor on Wednesday morning at 5 a.m.! So remember us in your prayers!

The day is approaching

2009-03-06T10:03:00.000-06:00

Only two weeks and a couple of days until my due date. At this point, it seems like pregnancy has flown by. I am so ready for Phoebe to be here. We had an ultrasound last week and she was 7 pounds and 6 ounces. If she doesn't make an appearance in the next week, we have another ultra sound to see if they want to induce labor. Sometimes, I just go into her room and sit thinking of all the memories to be made within our home in the next weeks, months, years. I am ready for this next chapter of life. I'm ready for the two Fuersts to become three.

.Pregnant Women are Like Turtles?

2009-02-10T19:00:00.001-06:00

1. Are you having twins?
Spoken response: "Why, no actually I'm not."
Mental Response: "Really did you say that to a pregnant woman?"

2. Pregnant women are like turtles.
Spoken response: "Oh really, how?"
Mental Response: "Why can't I leave well enough alone?"
Well both turtles and pregnant women are helpless if you put them on their back.

3. My it seems like all your clothes are getting mighty small.
Spoken and mental response (no filter on this one) "Can you give me a break? Please don't talk to me for a day or two - that is not something you should say to a pregnant women."

4. My you have spread pretty wide.
Spoken response: None - just a forced smile and a nod
Mental response: Explicative

5. Wow! You are really pregnant. It just sticks way out there.
Spoken response: Yep
Mental response: I know this guy has two kids - poor wife.

I'm sure I'll have more to come!

Managing a Big Belly

2009-01-22T19:53:00.000-06:00

So at 32 weeks pregnant, I've got a pretty big belly. This week, I'm having trouble maneuvering with it.
Take evidence A. Yesterday, I went to have lunch with a friend at the seminary's cafeteria. I've got my tray filled with chicken fingers and reach for two glasses to fill with apple juice. As I turn with the glasses to the juice machine, my belly hits the tray. You guessed it -- the tray goes flying. The plate smashes into a dozen pieces and there are chicken fingers all over the floor. My first reaction is to bend down and pick up the chicken fingers. As I begin to bend, I almost lose my balance and fall. My friend steadies me and tells me someone will take care of it. At this moment embarrassment sets in. I feel my face flush hot. Did I mention how busy the cafeteria was? It took me 20 minutes to recover. By the time I told Tom about it, I was having a good laugh at my antics.
Now take evidence B. Today's weather was a balmy 40 so I decided to walk down to the bank with the store's deposit instead of drive. Though 40 is hot compared to last week, once you get walking it gets kind of chilly. So about 10 yards into my excursion, I decide to try to zip my coat instead of hold it shut. With a little bit of effort, I get it shut. I'm feeling good I can still zip it up -- that is until I get back to the store. As I try to unzip the coat, it just won't budge past my bulging mid-section. Charley tries to help me unzip the coat, I suck in and she pulls as hard as she can. She tries using a rubber band as pulling leverage. After several attempts, we are both laughing so hard we are crying. It is a good thing there were no customers in the store. Finally we give it up as a lost cause. She hold my shirt as I peel the coat off over my head. As soon as I'm out of the coat it unzips easily. Believe me there will be no more zipping of coats!

Closer and Closer

2009-01-16T20:03:00.001-06:00

I can't believe how the time has flown. Around nine weeks from now, I'll be meeting my little one. I am excited, but I don't at all feel ready yet. I still have curtains to make, books to read, fears to overcome. But in just two months time, Tom and I will be welcoming our daughter to this world. I'm glad they grow with you. I'm also glad she won't remember my mistakes for a while. I've been having dreams recently of holding her. Not too much longer...

Moving Baby

2008-12-28T22:09:00.000-06:00

It is simply amazing to feel the baby move inside of you. At 28 weeks, Phoebe is moving all day long. When I'm resting, it is just like she wants me to know she is there. Tom felt her move for the first time on Christmas day. Before that he was convinced she was freezing him out. :) Now, I can even see my belly shake when I am lying on my back. Pregnancy is truly a miracle.

What's normal? Learning to Trust!

2008-11-18T18:58:00.000-06:00

I've always been a worrier. Even as a kid, I was an expert. When I would go to a sleep over I'd check my bag several times to make sure I'd have everything I needed. Then at the sleep over I would check my bags several times through the night to make sure I had all my stuff. I was so worried about losing something.
Now the temptation draws me to worry each time I feel something new with this pregnancy. Questions dart through my mind. Is this normal? Does this mean something bad? What if something is wrong with the baby? It seems I always jump to the negative.
Each sensation has become a call from God to trust Him. A call to trust that he has knitted this life together in my womb. A call to trust that he know the plans for both my future and Phoebe's future. A call to remember he is good.
I'm sure once the little one arrives, I have another new invitation to trust.

Feeling pregnant

2008-11-05T18:55:00.000-06:00

Before getting pregnant, I never imagined how it would totally throw your body a curve ball! It's almost something out of a sci-fi movie. Feeling another little person kick and headbutt you from the inside is hard to imagine if you have not felt it before. Little Phoebe is quite the active thing. She'll probably end up like her dad - constantly on the move, even in her sleep. But with each passing day, motherhood becomes a little more real and my belly seems to become even a little bit bigger. I'm finally starting to get pregnancy questions from people I don't know well, like "When are you due?" "Is it a boy or a girl?" "Can I touch your belly?" This belly touching will take some getting used to. I'm only at 21 weeks now. I can't imagine how many people will want to feel my belly when I'm in my eighth and ninth month. It is helping me get over my remaining personal space issues that is for sure. But for the record, if some person I've never met before asks the belly question, the answer is definitely no!

I'm going to have a little girl! Phoebe Jo.

2008-10-29T20:07:00.000-05:00

It became real as Tom and I watched the baby wiggle and kick on the computer screen. I'm going to be a mom! A mom of a little girl. Am I ready? I'm getting there. Am I ready for the daily battle it will take to get her hair into a pony tail? Am I ready to be a barbie doctor? Am I ready for the high pitched screams and giggles? Am I ready for the drama? Not yet, luckily mommies grow as little girls grow. I'm anxiously awaiting your arrivial - Phoebe Jo Fuerst.