1. Are you having twins?
Spoken response: "Why, no actually I'm not."
Mental Response: "Really did you say that to a pregnant woman?"
2. Pregnant women are like turtles.
Spoken response: "Oh really, how?"
Mental Response: "Why can't I leave well enough alone?"
Well both turtles and pregnant women are helpless if you put them on their back.
3. My it seems like all your clothes are getting mighty small.
Spoken and mental response (no filter on this one) "Can you give me a break? Please don't talk to me for a day or two - that is not something you should say to a pregnant women."
4. My you have spread pretty wide.
Spoken response: None - just a forced smile and a nod
Mental response: Explicative
5. Wow! You are really pregnant. It just sticks way out there.
Spoken response: Yep
Mental response: I know this guy has two kids - poor wife.
I'm sure I'll have more to come!